Hubuduh What?

i'm not lying. it's not even worth it. it'll only make you dislike me.
2006-05-15 : 7:09 pm

Don't read this. It will probably only annoy you. I'm serious.

It is 7:10 and I am still at the goddamn fucking office printing out goddamn fucking training manuals because our goddamn fucking printer prints 2 pages, then goes outside for a smoke break. Then comes back inside, prints a page and a half, and then goes and calls its fucking sister in law.

My state is flooded (including my basement, which is why we have no hot water, which is why I got to "bathe" in the kitchen yesterday over the stove - a process which, I assure you, can never quite leave you fully rinsed) and there's no way of knowing how long it will take me to get home today, or how many closed roads I will encounter along the way. It was three this morning, which is why I was an hour and a half late. For which I only got dirty looks from the people who live in Boston, where it's oh, sigh, you know, drizzlin' a little.

I got an emergency "MAKE SEVEN SETS OF TRAVEL PLANS NOW!!!" order from my boss, who a) can never make up his mind and b) is postiively famous for not giving you all the information you need, but being sure that he did. I'm finally starting to figure him out though. He always says he wants the cheapest reservations, but then when it comes down to Go Time you have to upgrade everything to the lap of luxury because the dude simply cannot stand to be uncomfortable or unaccommodated for one full minute. He laughs like it's cute, but meanwhile there are about 17 other tasks that I'm not doing while I'm backtracking everything he's told me, plus (wait, let me take a look) 378 emails that have not been answered.

Okay if you really are reading, I'm warning you again: Really do not read this, as it is very, very... um... what's the male version of misogyny? Misomaleistic. Dude, men are so fucking delicate. The stronger they appear on the outside, the more you have to fucking cater to them and pamper them and provide padding against the big, bad world. I work with a bunch of children who bruise easily, and I fucking got OUT of early childhood education, so I'm a little irritated about it. At least with actual children there's an excuse. You'd think with a bunch of 30 and 40 year old men, even older (like the ones in my damn family, hell, all the way up to 70) they would have learned how to SUCK IT THE FUCK UP by now. Seriously! Men fucking POUT! It's ridiculous! I know that women have this stereotype which insists that they are dramatic, depressive, whiny, delicate, moody, baby-talking girlie girls who can't function if they break a nail or if their triple iced vanilla late with skem melk isn't OMIGOD like JUST PERFECT but shit. You don't respond to one pseudo-flirtatious comment from a guy and it's like you've fatally wounded his ego forever. You've smashed a cinderblock into his spiritual groin.

Okay fine. I accept that there is STILL the POSSIBILITY that someone is actually reading at this point. So I will concede to this: I am taking my frustration on two men in particular with whom I work and about 7 from my family on the entire male species and that is entirely unfair and uncalled for.

Fine.

But I told you not to read so don't get up my ass about it.

So. When this printing crap is done (it'll probably be EIGHT O'FUCKING'CLOCK by the time that happens) what do I get to do? Do I get to go home and kick back? Watch a little tv with my puppy and start in on my eagerly anticipated new knitting project? Do I get to go upstairs into the Dead Room and play Girl and Her Microphone?

No. No I don't. I get to go home, turn on my computer and answer emails.

I'm not going to lie. I'm probably going to keep my computer off, my phone off and just fucking chill out.

You know how normal people work a full day, deal with traffic, errands, gym, dinner, any other plans then get at least about, oh maybe 30 minutes at night to sit back and just chill out? 30 minutes where they don't have to perform? Since this whole "Hey whatsup Jenny oh and PS you're in charge of troubleshooting for 6,000 independent contractors STARTING NOW RIGHT NOW GO GO GO NOW!!!" thing started it's more like work a full day, battle traffic, work another full day until I'm literally falling asleep at my keyboard. Then I get to sleep and start all over again.

I haven't had that 30 minutes in a week. Every single day. I wake up and am immediately dealing with the email until I go to sleep.

Okay fine, maybe someone is still reading (you're an idiot, if you are, because, yeah, I KNOW how obnoxious this entry is. And it's about to get worse) and because I'm me I have to be honest and point out that the above is not ENTIRELY true.

I've been able to go swimming twice in the past week. The rest of the week I only had time to jog in place in the kitchen for 20 minutes. I've been able to run a couple errands, Saturday I took a couple hours and did some cleaning in the living room (the mom is throwing a fit because the BioDad is coming in GASP! NINE DAYS!) and yesterday I took most of the day for Mother's Day. But at 4:00 I was back on that goddamn computer and didn't get off until 12:30.

I haven't slept past 8:30 since The Great Recovery From Finals (8:30 is ungodly early for me on days when I don't actually have to drive into Boston).

I'm tired and I'm burning out and I just want to make granny squares with all the cool new yarns I got.

If this hadn't been given to me IMMEDIATELY after finals, I might be feeling better about it. But I can't even say to my boss "Oh, hey, listen, I need to take a night off" because she, plus all my coworkers, plus all her coworkers, plus all our other bosses, all work like this all the time.

However, you know what? They are all business owners and managers. You know what? They all get BENEFITS. THEY ALL GET PAID.

. . . . .

Okay, fine, just in case any of you are masochistic enough to actually still be reading, I'm being ALMOST unfair, as my boss paid me for April today. It still won't make it's way from Paypal into my bank account for 3-4 days and it's still not all that she owes me so it won't cover my TWO MONTHS WORTH of car payments, but whatever. I got semi-paid.

Not to mention today was Emerson Graduation which really only served to reinforce to me that I will never have my own degree. Yeah, yeah, decisions I'm making after thorough, thorough consideration, but it still doesn't mean that I don't feel entirely inadequate.

OHMYGODTHEPRINTERISDONE.

I'm not going to apologize. I'm not going to apologize. I'm not going to apologize.