Hubuduh What?

.entry
2007-04-05 : 4:29 pm

Dentist this morning. Ow. Kinda. She actually accidentally filled my wisdom tooth, forgetting that I am planning on having it extracted. She didn't charge me for it.

I just went to Rob Brezny's Free Will Astrology site on Violet's suggestion. Well, not so much of a suggestion as simply a mention in her most recent entry. I clicked on Pisces and this is what I see:

So, you know, that's a good sign...

HAHA! PUN TOTALLY INTENDED!!!

I was completely taken for a ride by Gmail's April Fool's Day joke. Though, I will say, I lost all faith in their business practice and couldn't imagine how they could be so incredibly stupid as to go through with a plan like that. Also, once I read those last two testimonials I was a little suspicious. I simply forgot that it was April Fool's Day... But I mean, come on... "Armchair futurist?"

I've done it. I've joined the ranks. I've started a new hobby, one I swore I'd never succumb to...

I scrapbook.

I KNOW! It's totally evil, it's a money vacuum, but I can't really help it. I found this really cool scrapbooking starter kit on wicked sale for $10. It has a LOT of stuff in it, so I went for it. I'm not that good yet, but it's really fun. Frankly, I just like having an excuse to cut and paste again.

I dream of my own craft room where I can organize all my knitting supplies, sewing supplies, fabrics, yarn, scrapbooking supplies, painting supplies... where I can put a comfy chair, a rocking chair, a stereo, a TV player... where I can set up my sewing machine to ALWAYS BE AT THE READY... I dream of it... I long for it...

On days we work from home (even on the days we don't) we have our own little chatroom that we stay in all day. It's a communal place to ask questions if you're stuck on something, to bring something to everyone's attention, etc. It'll go completely untouched for hours, or will be a venue for hot debate on the latest Director of Customer Support candidate. The genius code monkeys with whom I work have made it a fun place, too, with a bot in the room which will automatically spit out what you ask for, if you ask in the right way. We call it botkong. If you type .search and then some text botkong will automatically display the top 3 results from a Google search on that text. If you type .math 1+1 botkong will say 2. If you type .math floor(pow(pi(),2)) + tan(radians(270)) botkong will say 5.4439262427946e+15. Type .noob and the name of a person in the room and botkong will tenderly insult the person you've named. "willowfox, do you even know how to code?" Type .battle and then your own name and botkong will tell the tale of your legendary arrival and war cry. "Stalking on the icy wasteland, carrying two hardened pitas, cometh willowfox! And he gives a vengeful bellow:'For the love of carnage and discord, I sow darkness and discord until my glands are satisfied!!!'" Botkong does not know about women yet, apparently. Type .lyrics into the dialogue box and botkong will recite random lyrics from a Soul Coughing song. Type .chuck and botkong will give you a Chuck Norris fact. "Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the 'Circle of Life.'"

For the past 10 minutes my boss has been .chuck-ing into the IRC.

I was talking to Ken about this yesterday. If you believe, as both of us do, (both of we do?) that there is not just one but many suitable potential life partners for everyone out there, and if you feel that you may have found one of them, how do you ever make the decision to commit to that one forever, knowing that there are several more out there? What if Ken and I, down the road, decide to make a life-long commitment to each other. Well, somewhere there is a guy who would connect with me in the ways that Ken doesn't, and somewhere there is a girl who would connect with Ken in the ways I don't. How do we know we're making the right choice? Ah, if only I had just ONE healthy successful relationship in my family from which to draw advice... but alas, my family is filled with people who took that stab and made a commitment, and then 20 years down the road realized the horrible mistakes they'd made. So WTF on that one...

I think about our relationship and it is in many ways flawless. But I know there are things that each of us wants in a partner that the other doesn't naturally possess. We both work on these things so we can be more of what the other wants, because we love each other and we want to make the other as happy as possible, but what if, down the line, neither of us change and it turns out that these little things are actually incredibly important?

Really, when it comes down to it, the mere thought of not having Ken in my life gives me a horrible, horrible feeling. We just kind of fell into each other from the very beginning. It was so easy and so natural. He has become part of me, like an extension of me. He is becoming my home. But that exact thing makes me think of all these big scary future worries and then at the same time that I want to make that life commitment right now because I love him so much, I'm also scared that in the end, down the line, I won't be enough for him, or he won't be enough for me. Because how can you know that in the beginning? How does anyone ever make the decision to start that life when so much could go wrong?